I let my imagination down a rope longer than my hair and took a stroll through my “s3x life” I ripped the middle page of an old note and began writing the names of the guys I had had sex with (excluding the one night stands which I never even bothered to ask about their names, we just tore our clothes apart and devoured every sex organ and stimulating nerve just for pleasure after which we’d say goodnight or just walk away…) Damn! The list was an awful lot! I arranged them in an alphabetical order and with my red pen I struck out the guys who really on a second, third and maybe fourth look shouldn’t have made that list… This wasn’t an easy feature.
Occasionally, I would distract myself by reviewing some messages from them to know which really was a good fuck and a hot sex!! Now I’m beginning to sound like a freak!! I never really thought of love in sex… Sex was more like my “refresh” button in the word “life” …just before you judge me, I can justify this. Yes! Yes! I hate to admit that my heart was lifted and then squashed in my near innocence by a guy who really wasn’t any better than his cum…but deep deep down I pick a mirror up and look at my face and say to myself damn!…you really were so into this dude. Like a bad plot of a visibly predictable Nigerian movie, my life was slowly but steadily looking ugly. I met this guy (who- in my fifth sense, I would have never let share the same air space as me) it was the eve of his birthday and a friend of a friend asked me over. I got in and I said hi and sat down.. It irks to know he saw innocence all over me… You know how your legs open faster than Google when you’re no longer a virgin and you’re like “what more do I stand to lose?” I was in those shoes!! Custom-made!
Specially designed by stupidity…
Later that night I took off the leopard print dress that made my ass look like they were swollen even nearly bigger, walked into his bathroom. I’m not talking about a bubble bath or a sexy American advert with rose petals and scented candles. I had my bath with a nearly finished bar of lux soap. I let my hair down and tried to fit into an extra shirt my other friend had brought for me. His eyes pierced my skin almost like; I’d worn a see through night robe… It literally made my nipples harder….. He was a “Motivational-body-speaker”. When he started touching me, it felt wrong because I didn’t want to feel like I was a whore fucking a guy on the very first day.. So instead I gave him a nice head and although it was a stubborn ride, he eventually came on my face and a little made its way into my mouth. I left.
For some days his texts and calls were incessant and I felt like I had a friend in him.. I got a call and we fixed a date and I was certain we were going to “make love” .. I got in at about 9pm and we chatted for a while, I went in to shower and he came in and did nothing but STARE at me… I got into the sheets while he went in for a shower and few minutes I felt “IT” behind me… The presence of his cock outweighed my sensitivity to his large body behind me. Dude was HARD!! He trailed my body with his hands and took his time to make an impact on every single part he touched. It just had to be love!! I turned over and we kissed it felt like the stars were jealous of us and the night wanted us to be over so I could face the pain of what the morrow had!! We went a couple more kilometres and we both came. It was an awesome conclusion. So I passed into a good sleep.
I woke up thinking the romance was mutual, dude was already working in the studio and didn’t act like I was anything, then it hit me that those sweet words were easy words that advertised themselves. I told him I was leaving and he didn’t even as much as see me off… Could I have been that much of a bad-fuck?? I have a reputation of being awesome in bed… So really what was the problem?!! I had fallen brain under heels for him. Usually the guy should text at least a day after but I didn’t hear from him… Weeks passed!! Then one night after an event that ended at 2:30am, I got a text saying “boo-boo” I want to see you!! I called a cab man, risked my safety and went over to see this dude he paid my cab fare and we went up and we had sex…. It became clear that I was just probably good enough for the night time.. He turned into that evil monster that didn’t remember a little of last night. I confronted him in tears… I looked like a bigger fool when he shoved me aside and went on with what he had to do
Called a cab on an empty wallet, was hungry, frustrated, without a change of clothes…amidst the gory look of my stale make up. The cabman came hours later after I had cried my eyes out in his room I strutted out in shame and blinded both the light and swollen eyes with my thick brown sunglasses. We drove silently and I got home the cab man looked at me; he probably must have thought I didn’t make money from my last night’s body-hawking… He spoke like he knew Nigeria was really difficult for people and offered to hook me up with some of his friends from Italy. I wasn’t offended that he saw me as a prostitute there really wasn’t much difference between what he was thinking and what had happened. He let me go without paying and I thanked him locally. No calls, no texts, and 4 weeks gone then a text saying…. “baby” I slipped the phone under my pillow and tears streamed down. He had invaded my body!! Every dimension, he knew it. The worst part of it all was when my friends were laughing about this video and it didn’t make any sense, they called me to join in on the good time, it was his video he put it up on YouTube that within 60days he would have fucked 60girls and it hit me like a fatal accident that this shit was real… I’m through with love in sex. I’m through with the insincerity of men and most importantly, the vulnerability of women like me in search of real love. 🙁
*** Written by Garber Melissa**
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